Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nicole vs. Life
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
