I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
