It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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