They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
