I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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