My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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