I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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