Moan for me like Helen Keller
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
