ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
