So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
