He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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