you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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