Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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