I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
