I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
