I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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