i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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