Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
