Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
