I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
