i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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