Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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