I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
