he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
