Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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