What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
