Your face is a jimmy john
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
