Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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