i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
