he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Holy sore nipples Batman
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
