So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
