i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
