So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
