If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
