i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
