I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
