respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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