he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
