My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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