I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
