I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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