its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
