She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
