On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
