What a fucking waste of an outfit
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
