but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
