"it" just moved
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
