Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
