That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
