Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
