went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
