you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
