regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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